I’ve been pretending that I am the victim in this situation and blaming you for sexually abusing me and taking away my innocence and power as a child (at age 6 But I know you were also a child 9 years old)…..When in fact, the truth is I actually enjoyed what we shared and enjoyed serving you and catering to your needs and making you happy. The truth is there’s a part of me that didn’t really feel guilty about what happened. (Though the talk with mom and dad brought on feelings of guilt and shame).
I’ve been pretending that you are a cold and heartless person who doesn’t love or care about me because you don’t want to spend time with me. When in fact, I know that you care about me and are a very giving, caring, and genuine person with a good heart because you have sacrifice so much for me. In fact I know that the reason you avoid closeness as a way to block out the feelings of shame and guilt.
When in fact I love you so much and wish we had a more open communication. I wish there was more trust existing between us. There is so much that I would like us to share together. I’m sorry for interfering in your relationship with your ex girlfriend, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
I forgive you and I forgive myself for doing what we did as children. It was not my fault because I did not know what I was doing. I am a grown woman now and can make a conscious decision.
The impact of this inauthentic way of being and acting is that there is distance between us in our relationship and I don’t get to share or talk with you as much as I’d like to. Another impact of this inauthentic way of being and acting is that …..I tend to attach myself to guys who don’t want me. It has impacted how I relate to men and has colored my view on men and relationships.
The whole time I’ve been being and acting this way, what’s been missing is any sense of honesty, authenticity, or taking responsibility for how my actions has impacted your life and relationships.
The possibility I am creating for myself is the possibility of being open, honest, authentic, and the possibility of creating a closer and healthier relationship with my brother and the possibility of experiencing healing, wholeness, completeness with myself and a developing healthy friendships and (nonsexual) closeness/intimacy with people who will put in time and effort to develop a relationship with me and people who love, appreciate, honor, value and respect me.